you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize