Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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