I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
