Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
