Betty ford says i'm here all night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
