It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just had sex bonerless
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize