im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
