Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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