you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I need to stop coming to work sober
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
