Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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