I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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