yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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