You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
