How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
