my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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