Can i not drive my cunt home
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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