holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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