i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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