now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
