bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
