In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
