One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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