I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
