and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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