??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
