This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
