Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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