one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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