THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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