try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
