You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
farters have to be the big spoon...
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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