there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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