It's Friday. Sex?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
