PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
