So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
