Where is the hickey?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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