just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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