So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
