I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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