So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
