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• (858): View more from California

  anal on a first date. tsk tsk.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!

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• (914): View more from New York

  He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid

  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak

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• (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.

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• (315): View more from New York

  Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?

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