You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
