There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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