The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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