I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
