Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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