I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
