I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
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