her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
