You're my little dorito
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
