If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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