two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
