so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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