I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
