I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
COCAINE IS GR8
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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