You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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