oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
