good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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