see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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