Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize