Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
