so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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