Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
