Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize