You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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