so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
