I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Dick very happy bro
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