Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
