I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
