Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
