Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think my fart just growled at me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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