So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
