she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
