Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
