im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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