god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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