I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
