Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
