Can i not drive my cunt home
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
