My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
