ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize