Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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