well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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