you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
