who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
