I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
