Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
