I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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