I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
