i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize