Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize